mom, dad, i feel guilty

huhuhu i feel bad for my mom and dad.. i keep on asking money and money from them. and i feel damn guilty.. i know its their responsibility to provide money for me and my brother and sister. but somehow deep inside me, i dun want to trouble them. i got loan from ptptn but the ptptn is soOOo damn fucking slow to give money to the student. my dad staying alone in segamat (coz he's working there) while my mom stayed in kluang, both of my parents are working. but they had to take care of me and my brother and sister. there are 4 of us who is still studying. i know its hard to be a parents and sometimes i feel sad for them. i myself need lots of money to study in this University, my older brother wanted to continue study in some kind of electric course, my younger brother are doing his practical in my hometown while my sister is still in high school. so its a burden to my parents to provide money to us. althou they said nevermind and we dun have to worry bout them but i feel guilty.. huhuhuhu mom, dad, someday i will repay u guys for bringing up us. now i feel like to cry.. huhuhuhuhuhuh i feel sad asking money from them.

miss my snow cap.. huhuhu where are u..?

whoever seen this snow cap, plz call me.. i miss my snow cap.

description : navy blue with 2 white stripes.. there's a brand dc.

i really love my snow cap, it save me from bad hair day or when im lazy to do my hair.. i forgot where i put it..

there shall be reward if anyone find it.. thank you

PTPTN or MMU sucks..??!!

dumb ass.. where's my money..?? stupid laaa... its been a while and i havent get my loan this sem.. oi gimme my money..!! ptptn said mmu the one who didnt approve some stupid form or watever ,thats why they didnt give the money yet and when i asked the mmu they said its all up to ptptn on when they wanna give the loan to student.. who fault is this..?????? stupidddddddddddddddddddddddddddd....!!

shyness problem

I am a 22-year-old college student, and I am single. I am a virgin and have not had a serious girlfriend since I was sixteen. Hard work over the past year and a half has made me stable and confident enough to expand my social circle and join the dating scene. But I am having a little bit of trouble getting started. I am busy. I am also shy with girls. My question is two-fold:

1) How can I let somebody into my life without interrupting my daily routines of the gym, volunteer work, class, studying, and my nightly sitting practice?

2) How do I make shyness work for me?

answer :

A relationship usually asks a lot of time and attention, and it can sting your narcissistic shell. Being involved with someone demands that you focus as much on the other as on yourself. I don't see how you can work a meaningful relationship into your busy life without some adjustment to your routine.
It might help to remember that a relationship keeps your soul alive. Through its demands and struggles, you become more of a person. But this process isn't neat and orderly. It will doubtless conflict with your smooth-running life and your careful plans. There's no doubt that it's worth the risk and the changes to your life, but those changes won't be easy for you.
Being shy with women can be a big problem, especially when the shyness is extreme. But as you allude in your letter, shyness can also be strength. There are many ways of being a strong and interesting person, and being shy rather than outgoing is one of them. We shy people -- I include myself in this category -- can be great companions. We can love and be attentive and enjoy life. In fact shyness is often just a way of keeping the lid on a powerful love of life and deep desire for sex and companionship. As always, things are often the opposite of what they appear to be.
I'm not one of those who think a person should strive to overcome shyness. Trying to be a different kind of person usually just makes a mess of everything. But you can finesse the shyness. It doesn't have to dominate your personality, and over time it can became something a little different, like sensitivity and thoughtfulness. In general, it's better to cultivate many varied and even contradictory qualities than to be defined by a single characteristic. Shyness is often a good facet of a personality, but it shouldn't be the only one-and I doubt it is in your case.
Many women like some shyness in a man. Maybe they understand that there's a lot of passion hidden behind that veneer of reserve. But the shyness has to be real, not feigned, and it has to be changing all the time. It isn't a good idea to hide behind shyness, or use it as an excuse not to live or love. It's who you are at the moment. Accept it, but then go on and become an even more interesting and varied person. Once you accept your shyness deeply, it will probably morph into a degree of reflection and self-possession that will draw people to you and work for you rather than against you.

noted : this is a copy paste from an article in the internet. it just a knowledge to share with other people.

sometimes i do dress nicely

who said i never dress nice, and i have bad sense of style..?? duhhhhhh well let the pic speaks for themselves..

27/7/07 while in kl

seminar in kl for my prom


during lunch last day of kayaking course

moral of the story.. i wear wat i like.. yeahhhhhhh.....

from segamat to tangkak to shopping

today im having fun with my best fren, sarah nina, lynn and matt.. a road trip to segamat (we're heading to Lynn's house..!!) yeay..!! went to segamat to take my oven from my dad coz he's working there and i'd already ask him to bring the oven from our house (for our business project). then we went to lynn's house, oh god..! the boys and gals eating durian at lynn's place...!! sOOo smelly... huhuu and they tried to force me to eat one.. but luckily there's no one can force me to eat those durian as i hate, HATE them soOOoo much.. huhuhu later one, we went to tangkak..!! GUNUNG LEDANG..!!

welcome to G.Ledang

luckily the weather was fine.. huhuuhu so damn nice ar the gunung ledang.. the water was so cold and refreshing..


me my fren

we just spend there for half an hour only as we need to go back to mlk.. upon reaching mlk, we went to have lunch (again) at US PIZZA.. ok la it was nice but im full already after ate 4 slice of pizza.. after that, we went to fetch mega and went to TESCO to buy stuff for our project business..
shopping time

anyway today i had so much fun and feel tired now.. huhuhuhu .. till next time .. which is tomorrow about doing sample for our business project... see ya again..

stress

i dunno why these past 2 or 3 days, i've been soOOo fucked and strees. there's always something that i dun like or feel one. (sigh)... i've been soOo sensitive and emotional for no reason. i've been in this situation before and i really thought i can handle it well. but no, i just cant do anything bout it. i feel hopeless. i feel like to crawl to my bed and cover myself with my thick blanket and dun wanna meet anyone. not even my fren, family or anyone else. but at the same time i wanna be with someone that i can share this feeling and cry oh his/her shoulder. i know its kinda embarassing for a guy to cry out but sometimes cry does make us feel better. and please stop asking me am i ok? cant u see from my face that im not..? dun ask me wat i need coz i know wat i want and wat i need.. if i wanna get it, i know laa how to get it.. dun ask me things. i just wanna be alone at this moment..

painful

life is so painful for us when being ignored by people around us.. i wonder why they do this to me. i'd always be there for them and now they treated me like this. this is reality. it is too good to be true. all i can do is to make sure i dun feel sorry for myself.. slowly by slowly i'll regain my strength to move on with this life. i havent give up hope yet in life coz there is still much more to offer and be discover by me. i've seen people suffered.. they are much more worst than wat i feel right now. i always tell myself that things happen for a reason. i might be alone but without knowing it there will always someone watching me from far.

im so fucked up now..

arghhhh today i wrote so many things in my blog.. whynim having a fucked up mind?? my mind keep on changing and changing and changing.. no wonder my fren called me crazy. i just cant decide wat i wanna do. i should have firm decision.. right now i feel like im soOoo fuck up. why i dunno why..?? just now i was thinking of doing something important but i change my mind later on.. urghhhhhhhh it soOoo hard having a complicated mind..!! no one knows wat i want and wat i wanna do.. even i myself sometime couldnt understand the real me. am i having a split personality? i dunno.. only God knows better.. huhuhuuhu

a day in kl

last nite went to kl with lyn, matt and nina.. purpose of going to kl is to send nina home. why? coz she's sick.. we arrived kl bout 1am, her dad forced us to stay a nite at his place.. huhuhu we wanted to go back at the same nite but we couldnt argue with nina's dad.. the next day, we skip class (lucky one class only) and heading to kl.. me, lyn and matt didnt take our shower. everyone not busuk ya coz we bring our own perfume. hehe we lepak2 in klcc. after a while, we met Hyqcarl, he's our tourist guide in kl.. yeay.. life never been so easy ya.. hehehehe.. he is charming, cool, cute, knowledgable and everything nice.. hehehe bodek ni.. huhuhu anyway we just jalan2 around kl.. Hyqcarl provide us many info regarding places in Kl.. i wonder where he got this info.. anyway, my fren can click with him easily and like him very much.. ok i also like him.. hehehe we just camwhoring all day.. huhuhh i dun like most of my pic coz i didnt wach my face and i look pretty tired.. waaaaa... next time i'll be prepare.. here some pic

anyway, i really had a good time in kl.. oh yeah we also have video but have to wait and getit from lyn... till next time.. oh oh and thax dear Hyqcarl for treating us lunch..

*a note for nina : next time dun get sick.. u should joint us, it was fun. if only u were there :P

i have had dreams and i have had nightmare

my dream right now is wanna be with someone that i realllllllllly like, also doing well in my studies, get my ptptn loan as soOOon as posible (totally broke now) and having a good life witout no regret..

my nightmare is people leaving me all alone.. as i hate being alone.

joy of life

when someone dumped u or doesnt like u anymore, dun think bad things about them.. remember the good time u guys having together. althou it just for a short time, hold those memories and cherish them.. just move on ur life.. life will be better.. i still hope we can be together as now im not sure whether u like me or not, but if u choose not to be with me, i'll not hold any grunge upon u as i know things happen for a reason.. and if u choose to be with me, i'll be glad to hear that and overjoy by it, trust me, as i'll try not to let u down,and i'll try to be there when u needed me.. always

seminar in MMU cyberjaya campus

arghhh dunno why i joint the seminar.. guess need to upgrade my SAPS point laa. and guess wat, huhuh i had to wear formal cloth.. only me and my fren wearing formal with out coat.. kononnya we represent the law school. cehhh everyone else is wearing jeans and shirt je.. huhuhu but not all the time people get to see wearing complete formal dress.

normally i will be like this.. this is my style

anyway i came back home mlk at 3am.. huhu still tired.

PTPTN Hurry Up..!!

Damn, im broke now, when they gonna bank in our PTPTN..? damn it again, now i have to postpone my trip to genting... huhuhu

finally i did a good deed this year

yes..!! finally i manage to do one good deed this year. as i recall myself, i dun think i have done this in this year. 2007, is fun year for me. im always having a good time hanging around with frens and family but i dun think i have done any good deed before. on 30th of june, i joint the charity marathon for the veteran army. the purpose of this charity is to remembering those who have served our country. went there with my fren, nina and matt were supposed to follow us but NOOoooOOOo..!! he rather sleep than waking up early in the morning. the marathon held in cyberjaya so we had to leave mlk early at 5am. i tried to wake mtt but he refuse to get from his bed.. well i did try to wake him up 4 times.. ok so we left mlk at 5 30am, and reach there aound i dunno wat time coz i sleep during the whole journey, as we reached there, we register ourselves and received a red t-shirt and few stuff. we had to wear that shirt for the marathon. its fucking RED..! the woman strat running 1st at 8 30 am and the boys 15 minute later. i ran all by myself coz my goal is to win this race. althou i manage to lead early but half way pancittttttttttt... hehehehe i took about 1 hour and 15 minute to reach the finish line yeay...!!

althou i didnt win the race but one thing i learn bout this is not to give up and always focus on watever u do. during the marathon, i told myself not to give up no matter wat. keep on focusing running.. if normal circumstances, yes i will give up but not this time. actually i need to do the marathon coz it give mmyself to think bout me. i did a lot of thinking and i learn more bout myself..

me and my fren after marathon

after the race, we went to alamanda putrajaya.. well this kinda embarassing for me coz this is actually my first time going there. the place was nice . ok laaa. we ate at the food court and fcuking expensive.. nasi lemak with udang rm5..?? better eat here in mlk much more nicer the nasi lemak. we spend time there for 2 hours. jalan jalan and taking pic. pitty matt and nina was not here with us, matt prefer sleep while nina went back to her place aready (her dad fetch her there. alamanda is a nice place but definately not for me.. why? i dunno i just dun like the place as im a guy that easily got bored with small place. but alamanda actually not bad laaa..

things that makes me realy angry..

somehow people doesnt seems to understand wat im saying. if i said i dun like, i dun like.. this are the things that really piss me off and i will burst out like a mad man..

1. people hit my head
2. call me stupid
3. lie to my face
4. saying bad things behind my back
5. accused me stuff i didnt do
6. being hipocrit
7. think they are better than other people
8. dumb ass

i dunno for how many times i told these people for not doing this to me they still do this to me. ok i admit im not that good people.. but i dun lie to my fren, althou i sometimes not tellng the truth but at the end of the day or later, i will tell them the truth. i didnt lie to them untill they found out from others and so on.. i will tell them the truth after i lie to them (normally after 5 minute after i make joke with them). so that doesnt make me a liar. and i know no matter how angry i am, i will sure forget bout it after i sleep for a while..